No links today, they'll be back, time for some personal talk.
I have been struggling to explain this news but here goes, I'm not going to Prague. After some long discussions and a lot of tears, I know it is not right for me at this time. I'm really disappointed about it too. I definitely feel like I have outgrown Chicago. I've lived here for 14 years (as of Monday, August 21st) and I've built a life here with great friends, hobbies, and places I like to visit. I also felt like I needed a new challenge and a change and the teaching and location change were going to do that for me.
I'm sad and I've felt lost over the last two or three weeks. I've been insanely busy, which I'm sure has been completely noticeable since I haven't been posting on a normal schedule. But staying busy has helped me stay a little distracted, at the least. I do actually feel like a failure for changing my plans. I built it up with excitement and awe in my mind and now I am just feeling like a loser.
I am regrouping and putting it on hold. I do still want to experience life as an expat and be able to live abroad, but I don't know when it will happen. I'm going to give myself 12 months to build up new career skills, silks skills and style, and work on my language skills. I am going to be the best version of myself and try to even work on my social and dating life. I had become kind of a hermit and was relying on/putting too much stock in being a new person in town once I did move. Now that I am staying in Chicago, I have to get myself back out into the dating world again and I'm not happy about it. I've already joined and quit an app after some disappointments, for example.
I almost feel like I've broken my own heart, with this "I'm moving to Prague, oh wait I'm not" and I have to get over that. I am healthy, employed, have a great life, and I am extremely fortunate. But now you know why I'm going to Malta in October because I have to use that ticket. It is currently a solo trip to Prague for one evening (the Signal light festival will be happening while I'm there), fly to Malta and stay for 4 days and nights, then fly from Malta to Paris and spend two nights and days in Paris. I am very excited to be adding a third international trip to my year even if I am a little stressed about it. But the money part always works itself out.
What has kept me going the last three weeks? A trip to Austin one weekend, a friend in town the following weekend, silks every night for both of those weeks, a wedding shower to plan for this weekend, and then a wedding to attend in Wisconsin on Labor Day weekend. That is a month of activity. I have thoroughly enjoyed silks every night because it has been a sort of act creation class where I have been able to be creative and exhaust myself mentally and physically every day.
Now that my plans for 2018 are completely changed, I want to do something big to console myself. I am not sure exactly what that will be but I definitely need a winter getaway to somewhere warm in January or February and I am tentatively cooking up some type of adventure trip for the end of the year. I am really itching for another destination race but now that my plans have completely changed, I have no idea what I will do. I deferred a Tallinn Marathon entry to next year (September) but I'm not sure if Estonia tops my list before other places. The race was meant to be a quick weekend trip because I'd already be on the continent.
So if you made it to the end of this "woe is me" post, thanks for sticking around. It was kind of cathartic for me to write, and I'll be okay. I just needed to get it all out because writing is the best way for me to express myself and I certainly haven't said all of this at one time to one person since I feel like I'd be complaining about something so trivial.